


Heartbeat

by Allie_Winchan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Dean Winchester Has Flashbacks of Hell, Dean Winchester Has Panic Attacks, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Hell Dean Winchester, Season/Series 04, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 17:13:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17791445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allie_Winchan/pseuds/Allie_Winchan
Summary: Dean has a nightmare. It's not fun.Or, in the dark of the night, when his demons come, he seeks out the rhythm of his lover's heart beating.





	Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic on this website and I didn't know whether to post this or not. But here I am, taking a chance, and I hope you like it :)))

_He could feel the blade beneath his skin, the curve of it carving into him - his very soul - and his screams never ceased. Alastair's sadistic laughs echoed in his mind, and his body didn't remember what it was like to feel anything but pain. He tugged at his chains, choking on his own blood, acid burning his eyes, the putrid stink of sulphur unyielding._

_"C'mon princess," Alastair crowed, digging his talons into the incisions he'd made. Dean screamed even louder, his throat on fire. "You know the deal..."_

_**No** , Dean screamed in his mind. When he did nothing but scream, Alastair sighed and took up his barbed whip, pulling it back, and as he brought it down, Dean closed his eyes, bracing himself for the pain..._

**_One_ ** _..._

 

_The pain. God the pain._

 

 

_... **Forty**_

_Fuck. He felt it somewhere deeper than his body, his spirit, his soul. The pain never stopped._

 

 

_... **One hundred**  _

_Sammy..._

 

_Someone - anyone... please_.

 

 

He jerked awake, delirious. The world around him went out of focus, panick gripping his mind. He could still feel the flames licking at his skin. He could still smell the burning flesh, the _blood_. He clawed at his throat, suffocating on his blood that was building up as he heaved. His stomach churned, his nails dung into his neck, and he felt the blood trickle down his fingertips. Behind his closed eyes he saw the blood pouring from every orifice, slowly but surely drowning him. He dug deeper, desperate for the blood to stop _killing_ him, for the whipping to pause, for Alastair to walk away, for a brief moment of reprieve.

" _Dean?_ "

He gasped, crying out when he felt a hand touched him. It burned his skin, and felt like a million blades had been buried to the hilt there.

"Dean, what's wrong?" That voice didn't belong down in hell, not with Dean. He knew this voice. But she was gone. There was nothing except him, Alastair and his tools. Nothing but pain and torture.

"Please..." He begged, sounding destroyed even to himself. Alastair would laugh in his face but he had to try. He just wanted it all to stop. "It hurts... Please.... I can't... I'm dying..." In the corner of his mind, Dean heard Alastair's amused reply, 'You should be so lucky...'

"Dean! You've gotta breathe! Its me, you're safe, I'm here, this isn't hell!" That confused him. _No hell?_  That wasn't possible, there was nothing _but_ hell. There was nothing before or after this. It was all he'd ever know.

He felt more than saw someone take his hands from his throat, pushing him backwards. A weight fell on top of him, and his eyes flew open. He recognized the motel, but he could still see the flames, he could hear Alastair, he could feel his carving knife, he can smell the horrors of hell - "Dean, you're having a panic attack..." There was the voice again, the sweet sound he never thought he would hear again. Something in his chest shattered.

Was this a new form of torture? Was Alastair pulling the ones he cared about and using them? Wasn't picking him apart in the most horrifying and agonizing ways enough?

"Dee, _l_ _isten_ to me. This isn't hell. This isn't an illusion. Alastair isn't here. You're back, we're _safe_." _S_ _afe? How could he be safe in the pit? How could anyone be safe in_ \- Sharp pain spread suddenly as he was struck across the face - _child's play compared to Alastair's blows, so why? Why was this so much softer? He didn't understand; he didn't **understand**_ \- and two bight eyes came into his filed of vision.

Dean blinked. "A-...Al...Allie?" He wheezed, no air entering his lungs. He was honestly dying - _except there was no death here. He was already dead. He'd just feel this dying for eternity... -_

_But..._

But there was no Allie with him here. She was gone. She was being tortured like him, somewhere out of reach. Somewhere he couldn't hear her screams, but he could feel them in his heart... _And yet_...

She was hovering above him, her hands on his cheeks, her words still spilling from her mouth, and she sounded frightened, worried, "..- eath... Focus on me... Dean... - feel my heartbeat...- Copy that... Listen to the pattern of my breathing... Come on, Dean _please_ -"

Dean's brows furrowed in confusion; his reality was still warped between hell and Alastair, and the room and Allie. She looked so panicked, and he just wanted her to be okay. He just didn't want her to look so agonized. So he focused on her, ignored the sounds of hell banging against his brain. Though he still couldn't stop suffocating, though his chest burned from the lack air, though his with confusing thoughts, though his body was consumed in flames.... He focused on her.

_B-boom_

Dean exhaled sharply, feeling the pulsating beat of her heart beneath his palm where she held him flush against her chest.

... _B-boom_

 

_B-boom..._

 

_B-boom -_

He breathed in and out in time with every beat, shakily, clutching her thigh with his free hand. _B-boom._  He scanned her face as he tried to calm his heart and breathing and his mind. She was breathing in time with him and her eyes never left his. "Allie..." In one fluid motion, he flipped them over, nestling on her chest where her heart laid. His arms wrapped around her tightly and he felt her cling to him the same.

"I've got you darling," She whispered in his ear, her voice soft and sweet, calming the flames threatening to burn him alive. "You're safe, I'm here, I'm _here_."

 

Then he cried silently, listening to her heart beating.


End file.
